


I'm With You

by Hayden_dsc



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, levikasa, rivamika
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:28:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28260177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hayden_dsc/pseuds/Hayden_dsc
Summary: In this world filled with titans, men and women fight to restore justice to humanity locked up for more than a century. But the deaths and the battles are horrible for everyone.Everyone except two of them.The hopes of humanity.Collection of One-Shot [Manga Spoiler Warning].
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Mikasa Ackerman, Mikasa Ackerman/Levi
Comments: 13
Kudos: 68





	1. Me, Mikasa

Being the strongest soldiers in mankind places a heavy strain on us. A very heavy one.

Never before I have thought that people would care about me, someone who just wanted to protect their family. But their looks had shown me that I was not in the norm. No, instead, they were all proud. Proud to know that I will be the one able to destroy these titans instead and protect them from this tragedy which has befallen humanity for a little over a hundred years now. They gave me a bit of the same look they gave you.

I don't know why they put us on a pedestal. Only because we have physical capacities superior to theirs does not seem to be valid as an answer to me. I really think there is something else beyond that, a ‘je ne sais quoi’ that makes us so different in their eyes. But I can't seem to define what makes us like this.

The first time I saw you, you were on your warhorse; an extramural expedition was about to begin and you were going to pass through the gates of the Maria Wall any minute. Your subordinates were scared to death, the reins in their hands kept shaking from the stress and the fear of never coming back. But when I saw you, you were the one who showed me that stress and fear are not necessary to fight.

On the contrary, you have proved to me that the true strength, the one and the only, rests on the fact of accepting that one day or the other, one has to die, but that one could also act to make one's existence useful to others, useful to humanity. Because seeing you give the start to your squad and hearing your authoritative voice, I finally understood that this world, in addition to being cruel, could be rewarding to those who fought for others at the cost of their own life.

Your determined gaze from that day is also the one that motivated me to protect my friends and my brother. You may not realize it, but you have become the one who inspires me. And I don't think I speak just for myself, but for many other soldiers.

You are like the star named Sirius: the one that shines the most when our skies are invaded by darkness. You are a light, a true shadow light, the one that stands out the most. To me, you have that sparkle that makes you so important. The one that leaves us speechless, and sometimes even, that pushes us to be affected by extreme jealousy. I have always coveted your glow, because by owning it, maybe you would have noticed me a little earlier.

I have always given everything of myself. Whether for the army, for my friends or for my brother, I wanted to achieve all my goals: to be exemplary, to keep the people dear to my heart close to me and to arouse your curiosity. And despite everything, I never managed to accomplish everything at the same time. If I protected my friends instead of following the order to retreat, I didn't give myself entirely to the battalion, if I chose Eren over my friends, I didn't give myself entirely to them and if I chose the army (and thus your attention), I lost all those who kept me in balance. But the difference between you and me is that you had already grasped all of its constraints before you even found yourself facing them, and you unfortunately knew that they would always cost losses.

I never wanted to disobey your orders. At least, I wasn't doing it on purpose to make you angry, or even disappoint you. No, I really wanted to make you proud, but I quickly gave up when the glare in your eyes died out looking at me. Why me ?

It made me sick. I no longer accepted what you were doing to me without even realizing it. The expeditions, the rescues, the dramatic returns, that was no longer for me. I no longer had this strength, this will to fight. And yet I understood that it was necessary to accept to see death. But I no longer ate, I no longer slept, I was worried about nothing. I had become useless to everyone. Only because your gaze no longer showed me any emotion. Not even nameless hatred, not even loathing, just emptiness, as if you were seeing through a ghost. Why me ?

The colossal titan and the battleship fled; I failed in my mission, I failed to replace you. The image of knowing you so far away from us to ruminate because you were not allowed to take part in this expedition goes round in my head and prevents me from using my strength. And the worst part is that everything you are going through is my fault and mine alone. If you hadn't saved me from that bitch Annie, who would have? Why me ?

Several of my ribs were cracked, Erwin no longer has a right arm after being torn off by a titan and Ymir turned out to be one but preferred to be killed by Reiner and Bertolt while fleeing with them who knows where. The only good news is that Eren managed to use an unsuspected power that saved the day for all of us. Would you have liked to witness this new turning point? I think you would have half-widened your eyes to see him, you who love when humanity takes over the giants. But you wouldn't have shown me that astonishment, I would only have guessed it ... _Shit!_

The exploration battalion is dissolved because of all the betrayals suffered within it; the state no longer gives us any confidence. But despite everything, we have become your new squad. We all hide together to prevent Eren from being caught and executed. Something is wrong. The citizens no longer see you as a hero, they hate us. They use your title to be sarcastic with you, they make fun of your height: as I could have done before. What an unbearable kid I could be!

But every evening, when we had to take guard, pitted against each other on our tree branches, I knew I was safe despite your small size. I felt your power surround us and tell us that everything was going to end well. Except what you got me, you did it against your will. So I cried, I finally let my emotions get over me to try to soothe this pain that was twisting my stomach. I was in pain, so badly. I didn't think a person like you could hurt me so much. And the worst part about it all is that you weren't even doing it on purpose.

It was only by finding me later, at the bottom of the attic, suffocating me after yet another panic attack that you finally gave me a look with emotion. You were in shock. I didn't know why, why after all this time without giving me even the slightest attention, you were finally coming towards me.

I had gripped a dusty old wooden table (much to your regret) to try to channel myself but nothing was working. I could not any more. My body betrayed me, my brain betrayed me. The whole person I had given and their emotions came right back to me without my being able to do anything about it. On top of that, you had to witness the mess I was becoming. But you proved one more thing to me that night. I was not a war machine. You weren't either. We are humans. It doesn't matter where our strength, our power comes from; we will always have emotions in us, even if we do not show it to others. The stress and fear would always be there no matter what. And that was what had to be accepted. I was wrong from the start.

You took me in your arms, you buried my head in the crook of your neck and you rubbed my back like my mother did when I was sick. I had finally become someone again. That night, you told me that you didn't think I needed attention and that you were afraid to give me too much importance. You thought I hated you and didn't want to do business with you. My tears had redoubled hearing your confession and you had hugged me tighter. I inhaled your scent, you smelled the same detergent Carla used before the chain of the second drama of my life. You also told me that my hair reminded you of your mother's and that it was as soft as hers before she died.

And since that night, we've spent all the other sets, in the attic, in each other's arms. We don't show it, but we need some comfort and human warmth after all of the horrors that have happened before our eyes. Your body against mine gave me new strength. I came back to life, I breathed again. You had my back when I was exhausted and I thanked you in my own way by telling you old legends of the country where my mother's ancestors came from. You seemed passionate about all the details, I loved telling you about them. Together, we were ready for anything. We were stronger.

What you taught me in my life will never have been in vain. I can always trace the lines of your face and smile when I see your blue eyes resting on me. But the most important thing Levi is that you helped me to be stronger, to accept that life is hard and that it is not our fault. You saved me from a world where I was going to lose myself and suffer until death ensued. You saved me from a meaningless life. A life where, in all honesty, I probably could never have defined who I was without you. But today I know Levi.

I am me, Mikasa.


	2. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: spoilers and violent descriptions ahead! 
> 
> Please be aware that I tried to create my own ending back in October-November and this two-shot is the result of it. I know that a lot of things happened between the day I wrote this and today!
> 
> Enjoy!

The war was over. The titans were gone.

The survivors were few in number on the Isle of Paradise, the titans of Eren having overwhelmingly crushed the inhabitants with the debris of destroyed cities, and if it was not because of them, the Yeagerists had taken it upon themselves to eliminate opponents of their ideology. The few hundred people who remained of the tens of thousands inside the walls had been dispersed on safe land from giant steps by the soldiers of the garrison and the battalion still alive. Families had been separated and worse still: destroyed, whether by the disappearance of children, mothers or fathers and sometimes grandparents. A pungent smell had pervaded the entire population.

How could this titan-boy have promised them to dedicate his life to get them out of the wall? How could he have sworn to them a world of peace where humans would finally been freed from all the evil spells they had suffered since the appearance of the first titan? How could they all believe him, him and his rock solid will?

The deplorable state of Paradise's resources had convinced (rather forced) the survivors to leave the place to inhabit new lands, those of people who had despised them for years because of their invisible difference. But nothing could differentiate them now. Thanks to Eren. Eren and his aberrant lack of humanity. Eren who hadn't hesitated a single second to sacrifice all of these people to remove the titans that formed the three walls. By Maria, Rose and Sina, the Eldians had been damned! Their freedom had cost the death of countless human lives, it was the most horrifying price to pay.

Thanks to the power he had obtained, he had been able to put an end to the existence of the titans, but Eren had no choice but to sacrifice his own existence, in addition to those of his friends and former comrades. To allow the rest of humanity to live in a world where the terror imposed by the human-titans would no longer exist. He had promised the fall of the monsters after all. He was unfortunately one of them.

A few days after the fall of the walls, ships from Heazul had come to collect the last inhabitants who wanted to move to their homeland. The Azumabito had also taken the opportunity to bring with them the last natural resources of the luminescent power the island contained. Since Ymir's reign ended, the rocks seemed to have lost their energy, and scientists from the Asian country wanted to analyze the latest evidence of what remained of Eldian power.

In Heazul, many towns had graciously welcomed the new residents, the citizens devoted themselves wholeheartedly into explaining to them the customs and the way the country lived on a daily basis. Makeshift houses had been allocated to them before they could build more solid ones. The Eldians had put on traditional clothes, shedding their clothes that had become uncomfortable because of the dirt, holes and hanging threads with jubilation. They blended in perfectly with the population if it wasn't for their Western physique that made them stand out.

The last members of the Azumabito clan lived remote from other cities in the country. Wedged between the mountains covered with forests and the sea. From the port, you could see about fifty houses with ancestral looks covering the side of one of the mountains and being surrounded by vegetation while other small houses covered the edge of the sea forming a long driveway. The highest abode in the city was that of the direct heirs of Lord Azumabito, who moved within the walls when the continent of Eldia was conquered by the Mahrs. It stood out from the crowd with ease because it was the only house in the valley which had two floors.

Madam Azumabito had always lived there, alone since the death of her parents and her older brother. Often, a little lady whose only son had abandoned her after getting married to a woman from a wealthy family would come to visit and drink tea with her, making Kiyomi's life a little more cheerful and erasing the feeling of loneliness which, the old woman was convinced, came to live there a little more each day.

It was almost six months since the war had ended. Heazul's economy had unexpectedly managed to stabilize; they, who had become allies with Paradise in exchange for resources essential to their development in world trade, had finally managed to take part in business without depending on the now non-existent resources of the Eldian island.

It had also been six months that the direct heiress of the Asiatic blood of the walls had been living recluse in one of the rooms of the Azumabito house.

She went out very little, or with the greatest possible discretion when she had to go to the back of the building where the hot baths were. A maid came once a week to help Kiyomi clean the house from top to bottom. She had never dared to ask the hostess why the sliding doors to the bedroom at the back were still closed since her return from Paradise, because usually every room in the house was open to let in sunlight everywhere and avoid a room to smell musty. The young woman left immediately after being paid by her employer and kept all these questions in mind until she was at home, quickly sweeping away all too curious thoughts as she walked through the doors of her small house.

Every morning, Kiyomi brought a tray of food to the front of the room where Mikasa was staying. The wooden tray always contained a bowl of rice, a vegetable soup, and a fillet of fish (or if the village farmer was generous enough to let the Azumabito negotiate, a small piece of beef that she then smoked over charcoal). So it was on her knees that Kiyomi knocked three light knocks on one of the wooden mats that crisscrossed the sliding door in front of which she was, signaling her presence to the young woman. Slowly, she slid the plank before getting up to pick up the tray and leave it at the entrance to the bedroom, closing the door behind her when she came out. A little before noon, she came to retrieve the barely touched remains and left immediately, not wishing to annoy the young girl who had not spoken since arriving her home.

The days passed without anything disturbing the routine that had settled between Mikasa and Kiyomi. She didn't feel guilty about the young woman's condition, but that didn't stop her from being sorry. Sorry to know that her life had been ruined by all the battles she had to endure, by all the deaths that came to haunt her nightmares all the time and by all the years of happiness these demons had wrested from her. Such a beautiful and strong young girl did not deserve to suffer the reprisals of such an ordeal.

One evening, Kiyomi was about to slide all the doors that ran along the exterior corridors of the house when she saw the shadow of a person leaning against one of the trees bordering the entrance to the lot. The body moved away from the trunk, made a subtle bow before returning to where it had come first.

The woman had easily recognized the small figure of the man who had once been her guest's corporal. His body had not changed a bit, a stature still impressive despite its modest size, a scar that crossed half of his forehead while passing through his right eye whose pupil had turned white to end just below his lower lip. The other three scars on his cheek were somewhat gone, although there were barely noticeable white marks left.

His coming was heartwarming in a way as Mikasa was no longer the only ex-member of the Exploration Battalion living on the island. Although Jean and his mother must have lived in one of the towns which had welcomed the war refugees, being among the last to have left Paradise. Speaking of the young man, he must have had his own house by now, with a new job and the new life that came with it, but only if he hadn't been hit by the unhappy memories too like Mikasa had been.

Kiyomi let out a hopeful thought as she watched the last male Ackerman moving away as he descended the hill path. Perhaps he would succeed in pulling his former subordinate out of her lethargy; no one could know if it wasn't fate.

Levi had continued to inhabit what was left of the island for two or three months, surviving through hunting and picking. He hadn't wanted to leave like everyone else had and with Hange they had lived in abandoned houses, sometimes under the stars when the night's temperature had allowed them to fall asleep with a simple sleeping bag. Together they had traveled almost the entire island, discovering for the first time the lands of the North where no one had yet ventured. They had climbed mountains, passed through lush green forests and when faced with the waves crashing violently against the rocky cliffs that demarcated the end of the land, they had agreed to leave where they had always lived. So they had returned to the South, staying for many days by the calm sea, waiting for the next Heazul ship to land scientists looking for resources of the island.

Leaving dry land to venture onto the liner's metal floor, Levi couldn't help but stay aft to stare at Paradis, imagining leaving the tons of corpses he had piled up behind him for years now. The debris of what was left of the harbor wall where traitors were transformed into titans dwindled over and over, until bluish water was the only thing left of the entire skyline.

Finally reaching the capital of the country, the two Eldians had been accommodated in a new building for the laboratory employees, having sympathized with the passengers of the boat. Levi liked the smell of the new white-walled room which was perfectly cleaned. It had not taken long for Hange to join the team of her fellow scientists and fill her room with paperwork, books and scientific tools of all kinds. The former corporal was exasperated to see that his friend had resumed her bad habits. For his part, he spent entire days strolling through the paved streets, sometimes stopping at tea or porcelain stalls. He had collected a few boxes since his arrival and had reserved a shelf in his cupboard to store the dozen or so handleless cups he had bought from old inhabitants who were keen to hand paint the small plant motifs or the scratches.

Hange traveled to other cities with colleagues from time to time to chat about discoveries of bacteria or new molecules whil Levi was feeling more and more useless. He had tried to find a job but his features frightened most people who took him for a mobster and politely declined his offers, fear on their faces. He had therefore asked one of the teams of scientists if he could work with them but he was quickly bored, and had been disgusted to learn of the existence of thousands of particles which were flying in the air and therefore around him.

One day, on his way to a rather close restaurant where he and Hange often ate on their lunch break, he saw someone he didn't expect to meet again anytime soon. In front of him stood Jean, with a chinstrap beard and shoulder length hair with a local girl on his arm. The little woman was smiling at him as her lover's eyes widened at the sight of his former boss. Without even waiting a second, he gave his military salute as Levi waved his hand over him.

“No more formalities between us Kirschtein, the battalion no longer even exists.”

Passers-by moved away from the trio, staring at them insistently, the brunette not going unnoticed by his size and his gash in his face. The woman next to Jean was lightly detailing the little man in front of her, she seemed to have heard her boyfriend talk about him before in his stories and his physical description matched perfectly. The man still had a charm when she observed the blue and the white marbles staring at them and he certainly didn’t look his age.

“Corporal it's a pleasure to meet you again! This is Ran, my girlfriend for a few weeks now. Ran this is Corporal Levi, my former squad leader.”

Said Ran bent gracefully in greeting and stood up smiling, embarrassed to know that this man was once such a powerful person.

“Nice to meet you sir.”

“Likewise.”

There was a little blank before the former corporal spoke again.

“I hope that scatterbrain behaves well with you. Not that I had problems with him but there was a time where he got carried away easily with a shit-head from my old team.”

“I ... Eren was such a suicidal bastard, it wasn't my fault!”

“Yeah sure. Nobody cared about the bullshit he said except you. Fortunately I'm still alive to tell all this nonsense. You should have seen how they were ready to pounce on each other right after dinner, real brats.”

“Oh but I believe you, he had already told me this kind of story! I still remember some of them…”

The three of them laughed a lot even though Jean was more than embarrassed and the corporal's laugh was more like a mockery. Ran took a surge of courage, looked again at the scarred man and dared to ask the question that was rackling her brains.

“You were planning to go out tonight? We were going to the bar a few hundred yards away, it is very famous. Could you join us and continue to talk about the good times together? I'm sure it would make Jean happy to see an acquaintance again, so why not spend some more time together?”

“Why not.”

This was how Levi joined the couple at the tavern which was located below the sloping street. The way was done without much word, reserving their real discussion once installed on the chairs on the ground. A waitress quickly brought the three pints in glass and left immediately after wishing them a good evening by bowing. The ex-corporal was always taken aback by the civility of the citizens, whether in restaurants, in stores or even in the street.

The three toasted their mugs before drinking a little of their beer and putting it back on the wooden table whose alcohol marks had become more pronounced over time. The clock ticked as the conversations broke out. Ran had recounted her meeting with Jean who after asked Levi where he had disappeared during these five months with Hange. After explaining his adventures and his new life here, he was careful to ask for news of the brown-haired's mother who was doing well at the top of her fifty-five years, then he asked those of Connie and Mikasa. Jean had become enthusiastic when it came to citing the path of the shaven guy after the war but when Levi let slip the name of the last member of his squad, Jean turned paler and his face closed. Levi had noticed the change in attitude and understood that the echoes weren't going to be pleasant to hear.

“She's stopped living since Eren died. She lives in Kiyomi's house which is located in an old fishing village surrounded by mountains. This old bitchy says she's giving her a good life, but we all know she's chatting to spruce things up. The last time I visited Mikasa to introduce her to Ran, she was curled up on a futon and just looking at the scenery through the open windows. Not a gesture or a word and from what I could see, she was barely feeding.”

“It doesn't surprise me” Levi said.

“I was really sad to see her like that too”, Ran said. “In the end, I don't even know her, but I understand a little why she doesn't want to continue. Fate just hit on the wrong person. I found her so pretty besides, it saddens me to know that she was forced to go through all this when we are the same age.”

Levi got lost looking at the bottom of his pint and forbade himself to frown. He just let a sigh slip through his lips before pulling out a notepad and pen which he put in his left hand, his right having only three fingers left.

“Give me the name of the village. I'm thinking of checking it out in a little while with Hange.”

Jean, rather astonished, stammered the address and described the house to Levi, the streets having no name. The house would be easy to spot since it overlooked all the other places. Two Japanese beech trees lined the entrance to the path that led to the house and the rest of the way could be done alone.

At past midnight, Levi got up to pay the amount due for all the drinks and small meals ordered so they wouldn't drink on an empty stomach while Jean protested, trying to pull out his wallet. The brunette put his hand on the shoulder of his ex-soldier and lowered him to settle back in his chair. Ran laughed at the sight of her totally tipsy lover and thanked the man for inviting them.

Levi walked out of the bar shortly after, letting the couple end their evening as they had heard before they passed him on the street. He had not always liked alcohol, so he only had two beers out of politeness. And then he also had to admit that he did not want to push young people to drink as much as he did if he wanted to feel the little effects that alcohol could have on him. In the streets almost empty at this time, Levi took the direction of the harbour where he decided to look out to the sea, sitting on the stone wall where a few chains were hung. The wind was shaking the locks that were normally resting on his forehead, the cold tingling slightly on his fingers that he decided to put in the pockets of his jacket. It was only by feeling the little leather notebook that he allowed himself to wander through his most repressed thoughts.

Mikasa was probably the woman he had admired the most in his life (never forgetting his mother who had let herself starve so he could go on living). The soldier had always made sure to protect the people she loved, she hadn't backed down from any danger, whether it was Leonhart, Braun or even Hoover, in front of the Mahrs, in front of him too, but especially in front of Eren. Levi understood that the end of the war had inevitably been the worst event of her life when it had meant the opposite for everyone else in this world.

The brat had seen herself being deprived of parents at an unreasonable age, she had also lost her adoptive mother during the fall of the wall Maria, not to mention her best friend Sasha and finally, we had dared to ask her to end the days of the the only person she had stayed with night and day, the person who had saved her as a child and who had given her back the key to live once again. The same person who had succeeded in making her awaken her Ackerman strength. Eren. Eren fucking Yeager.

Once they all got on the ship which would lead them to Revelio, they had to decide how to fight Eren. Annie, knowing that Corporal Levi was no longer able to use his three-dimensional equipment and fight, had therefore and without any surprise asked Mikasa if she felt ready to end Eren's life. The brunette had never answered her question, letting Annie go through her nervous breakdown and crying the fatigue that took her in addition to the obvious death of her father that she would have loved to see again.

It was only when the boat was close enough to Earth to dock that the Asian girl hurried down the wooden pontoon barely placed on what was left of the actual wharf. She had the new equipment with her and a bunch of lightning spears hanging on her arms. Everyone had been petrified to see her go alone, without even looking back. No one had prevented her from approaching the colossals destroying everything in their path, no one had dared to tell her that it was a suicide mission. And Levi had watched her go. She was running towards the debris of buildings to try to grab hold of her hooks and it was only after a few hundred yards that she triggered the equipment, disappearing in a cloud of dust.

A few hours later, the colossals had stopped all activity to collapse one by one to the ground. The whole world had been put on hold feeling the earth shake. The Mahrs warriors and the soldiers of the battalion understood what had happened. Eren was finally dead.

As the titan corpses evaporated, humans and semi-humans moved in the cart above Peak, desperate to reach the location of the final battle. Armin, Connie and Jean were crying, imagining the worst possible endings. Hange felt her eyes burn and her throat tighten but she did not let her emotions overwhelm her, she preferred to ask Peak, still in her titanic form, to continue her way to the gigantic rib cage planted in the ground that came to appear before their eyes. Reiner, Annie, Gaby and Falco were all amazed at the size of the bones, not even like the size of a colossal anymore. Levi thought it was even worse than Rhodes Reiss' titan.

When the entire path to the Founder titan's cervicals was released, the titan cart moved faster as the soldiers all clung to the wooden edges. Smoke was evaporating from many different places, but the worst clump was probably the one coming from the head of the monster. The soldiers hurried down once they were near the cloud of vapor and all stopped breathing at the sight of what was on the ground.

Levi approached in turn despite the searing pain that took his left knee and saw with his only valid eye a phenomenal amount of blood. Taking two more steps, he could finally see what had stopped the others in their walk. There, in front of them, was Mikasa Ackerman, part of her leg completely burned as blood leaked from her ribs where pieces of metal blades had lodged.

But what was in front of her was worse.

Scattered all over the floor were pieces of what once was the brown-haired boy with green eyes. A severed foot had landed nonchalantly on a rock that rose out of the ground, pieces of intestines lay in a pool of blood, not far from one end of what appeared to be part of the boy's shoulder. And right at the feet of the brunette soldier was the decapitated head of the one who was, only a few hours ago, Eren Yeager. Some part of his spine protruded from the severed back of his neck and bathed in the pool of dark red liquid that lay just below.

Armin immediately cried when he saw the organs scattered everywhere, devastated to know that his friend had to be killed to stop the genocide he was doing. Jean decided to close his eyes, feeling the bile rising to his throat. Connie collapsed to the floor, weakly holding his head with both hands. Hange lowered hers completely, not knowing what to think other than _'it's finally over'._ Of all the people in the group, Levi was the only one who limped towards the young woman. He took her by the sleeve and forced her to look away from the morbid face of her half-brother.

When a stronger gust forced Levi to close his eyes, he finally looked up and saw the Asiatic Sea again. There was no doubt now: Mikasa Ackerman had certainly been destroyed.

The brunette stood up and resumed his walk towards the building next to the laboratories, wishing to finally return to his room. Looking at his backpack lying in the corner of the beroom, Levi couldn't help but think that his place was definitely not here and that it would have been better suited to the little soldier Arlelt, if he hadn't succumbed to the end of All of the Titans a week after Yeager's death, as did Annie, Reiner, Peak and Falco.

If Mikasa had been devastated the first time at having been made to kill the one she had always considered a brother, the at the same time logical and inexplicable death of her strategist best friend had finished her a second time, sinking a little more deeply the blade of the dagger that had taken place between the two ventricles of her heart.

When the Asian woman was offered to live with Kiyomi, she just nodded and without even knowing who had taken control of the wheelchair she was sitting in because of her leg, Mikasa was taken to the Azumabito ship, in the direction of unknown lands.

After dozing off in his chair for a while, Levi checked the time on his pocket watch. The sun was already high in the sky as he stretched out his legs. As he left his room, he walked to the right and continued walking for a few seconds before hitting the wooden plank covered in white plastic. After hearing the yawn of a monster, Hange's head appeared in his line of vision.

_“_ Can I help you Levi?”

“In a week, you and I are going to pay a little visit to old Azumabito. This bitch still owes us one.”

Hange was greatly amazed at the speech she had just heard and did not immediately notice that the brunette had taken the direction of the stairs leading to the employee’s canteen.

“Hey wait for me you fucking midget! You'll have to explain yourself there!”

Levi smirked at her before descending the steps one by one.

Lost in the middle of nowhere was a road along the sea. Tonight the waves were calm, as if it was just a giant lake. The man who had been walking for almost an hour began to change direction, finally venturing into the mountain lands, forgetting the sirens of the fishing boats heading out to venture into the deeper waters. The light breezes of wind turned to squalls as he climbed a few hundred steps slowly. After a while the path became a little more earthy, and the weeds were much taller.

 _I_ t was only after ten minutes that he finally found the two beeches described by Kirschtein. He wandered gently down the white gravel path as the sky darkened more and more. Arriving in front of the magnificent traditional house, Levi could see the famous exterior corridors bordering the house called "engawa". The _shōji_ doors had still not been put back in place and he took the opportunity to observe the interior rooms of the house.

Without knowing the reason, Levi's eyes shifted to the right, where the facade was located in front of the mountain side. His ears began to pick up the sound of a waterfall and he approached a tree whose orange leaves blended perfectly into the autumn scenery. The sight of the falling water soothed him directly and seeing the damp moss on the gray stones, the little man felt his muscles relax as his back sank further on the tree trunk.

Turning his head, Levi saw a room totally open to the magnificent setting to his right. He frowned to sharpen his sight in the darkness of the night and could see dark hair popping out of a _futon._ The person's body was completely covered with a thick and flowery quilt, its breathing was calm but Levi knew the woman was not sleeping. Hearing a noise this time to his left, he turned his head to catch a glimpse of the face of someone he knew only too well to have signed a pact of alliance with.

Kyiomi watched him flabbergasted as she slid close all the doors of the house to sleep. Levi didn't know what to say, knowing that if he spoke, the woman in the bedroom would notice his presence despite her absent demeanor. So he did the first thing that came to his mind and bent quickly, wishing to pass a good evening in his gesture. The Azumabito unconsciously returned his gesture and saw him resuming his way back to the path he had first arrived on.

Levi could be sure of one thing now: Mikasa was still alive.

All that remained was to get her out of her vegetative state.


	3. In the End

It was getting colder and colder in the lands of Hizuru.

Levi was much more sensitive to temperature than before. His body had weakened somewhat, although he stayed in shape because he did a few exercises and because he practiced from time to time with Hange when the mood took him. Maybe his ‘Ackerman powers’ were waning? Or was his age catching up with him faster than expected?

All he knew at the moment was that he needed to buy himself a coat and gloves, and a scarf if he found one simple and warm enough. In the shopping street of the village Kiyomi came from, tons of paper garlands lit up the street, zigzagging from one side of the road to the other, hanging from wooden poles that ran a few electric cables. The next day there would be a small celebration with fireworks and the whole village was eager to celebrate the deities.

The Eldian pulled his black jacket closer to him, the cold was seeping through the fabric and freezing his skin. So he entered the first stall which contained clothes and was surprised to find himself in the middle of women's outfits. He got out just as quickly, muttering an excuse, and being careful that the next store sold men's clothes before entering this one.

Once he got a little warmer as he squeezed through the racks, Levi reached for a nice black woolen piece. The coat had the same cut as a pea coat but the collar was much thinner, reminding him of that of the khaki jacket provided to soldiers of the battalion during an official ceremony. He walked over to what appeared to be a changing room and tried on the coat, satisfied with the reflection in the small standing mirror in front of him. It did not take him more to decide to pay for the coat at the cash register, finding in passing a gray scarf rather light but covering all the same. For the gloves, he would have to go to a glove-maker to make a special order. His three-fingered hand still pissed him off.

Once everything was put in a cloth bag and he was able to exit the store, he didn't hesitate a second to put on the warmer garment and tie the rectangle piece of cloth around his neck. It was the first time he had worn anything other than his missing white cravat. Of course the scarf reminded him of the gloomy brat who wore hers twenty-four hours a day.

He had been wandering the streets for a little while, alone, discovering a little more of the village which was bigger than he thought. He had abandoned Hange to her fate when she walked into an antique store and took the opportunity to admire the East Sea countryside. The city was beautiful, especially since it was wedged between a gigantic lake and mountains covered with trees, each more beautiful than the other, their colors changing from dark green to scarlet. Levi liked this village, he could even have felt morally serene if reality did not come right back to him.

He was constantly distressed since he had settled down because he didn't know how the next thing was going to unfold. He wasn't sure exactly how he was going to see Mikasa again. Closer this time. And by day. He was bewildered and overwhelmed with dense questions that would sometimes make his mind uneasy and unfiltered. Even his nights, which were a little longer than before, in no way prevented him from filling all his insomnias with hours of questioning and absurd ideas.

Levi had stopped near the harbor where he had rested his forearms on a wooden guardrail and entertained himself by following the reflections of the moon shimmering on the water. Little by little, his storm of anxiety subsided.

Hange had arrived next to him shortly after, a leather trunk in hand and a bag of food in the other.

“Come on, follow me. We're going somewhere tonight.”

Levi hadn't said a word and had followed her. Together they climbed the stone steps which took them up the slope of the valley. The brunette felt some pain in his left knee and clenched his teeth as he continued forward. He already knew the way.

After about twenty minutes, they arrived in front of the splendid residence of Madame Azumabito.

Levi still stared at his friend with some severity in her eyes and raised them heavenward as he entered the grounds.

Madam Azumabito was seated in what appeared to be a living room, newspaper and pen in hand. The two friends observed her from the porch of the house and it was Hange who decided to signal their presence.

“Good evening Kiyomi-sama. I brought these famous kibbles which are causing a sensation in the main street for dinner. You like them?”

“Good evening Hange-san, corporal Levi.”

She stood up and used the outside hallway to come their way before she bowed to each of them and slowly rose to her feet, hands tucked into the wide sleeves of her kimono. Then she wanted to resume the dialogue with a fake smile plastered on her face but that was without taking into account the quick intervention of Levi.

“Tch... I'm no longer a corporal. Forget the formalities as far as I'm concerned.”

“Oh my, I’m so silly! Please forgive me. And thank you very much for your little attention Hange-san, I will ask my maid to bring them during the meal. Please do come in! It's cold enough outside, I'm sure you'll turn into ice soon if you don't warm up inside!”

The three adults walked one after the other down the narrow corridor, Kiyomi in front and Levi bringing up the rear. They had left their belongings and purchases in the hall, also taking off their shoes so they would not damage the mats of the tatami which covered the floor of the living room and the room where the meal would take place.

“So how do you find life in Hizuru? It must have been confusing at first, I can only imagine it. We have very little in common except for our language... I hope you have managed to integrate well? I also learned that you had joined the scientific team of the port area Hange-san, are you able to blossom at your new job?”

Kiyomi sounded vicious in the way she spoke of Hizuru for the better only. Her homeland was undoubtedly more technologically advanced, but it had still been the same homeland that had put Eren and Zeke Yeager in touch on condition of being provided with information about Eldia's resources.

_This bitch had some fucking nerve._

“I have found my niche. Thanks for caring Kiyomi-sama.”

“Well, I still have slight contacts with a few engineers from the same building, I could happily meet you there if I were to visit them.”

“Oh yes of course, that would be with great pleasure!”

_Hide your joy Hange, we can see very well that you don't want to deal with her anymore ... If only she wasn't keeping our former soldier in this huge fucking house!_

“And you corp... Levi-san! I have indeed met you several times in my village but I dared not disturb you. Have you planned to stay here for a while?”

“I wanted to discover your country a little more, so I actually came to this godforsaken place. And given that you are hosting Ackerman, I thought it would have been appropriate for me to hear from her. To see her, in fact.”

“Oh ! I understand... It's true that Miss Mikasa prefers to stay in her room most of the time. You know as well as I do that she hasn't been the same since the end of the war, even though it ended in peace! Since then, she tends to stay confined and doesn't really dare to go out, and I think seeing other people makes her very distressed. The last time Mr. Kirschtein came by, I didn't see her for a full day. But if you still want to visit her, I couldn't help but let you do so. You were her superiors after all.”

“Yes it would make the both of us very happy to see her again, wouldn't it Levi?”

Hange stepped in before Levi could even make any gruff comment about how Kiyomi wanted to discourage them from finding Mikasa. The scientist knew he wasn't just going to leave his tongue in his pocket, especially since there was no longer any reason for him to do so when the diplomatic agreement once kept him from setting upon the one he nicknamed ‘two-face’.

“Tch. And isn't she coming to dinner with us tonight? She’s here and still needs to feed herself after all?”

“She did not want to. My maid brings her dinner to her room.”

Levi was annoyed when he heard her words. Kiyomi should never have offered Mikasa to stay with her in the first place and now he was learning that she didn't even want to come see them. To pop in just a few seconds and see their heads again would hurt her too much? Surely it badly reminded her of her fucking titan brother after all. Especially Levi who had not hesitated to explode Yeager’s jaw with his knee during the trial. Recalling this scene, Levi couldn't suppress a smile of satisfaction; he should have killed him the moment he had just emerged from his titan and as his eyes rested on him. But remembering the shadow of the young woman, stretched out under her quilt and her eyes fixed on this waterfall, Levi felt overwhelmed with scruples about his murderous thoughts which no longer had to exist because Eren Yeager was already dead.

The rest of the dinner was spent in some heavy atmosphere but most of the time Hange managed to rally both camps. They had quickly started to drink the tea accompanied by some small sweets that Kiyomi was happy to make vanished. Levi had had a little more trouble eating that sticky bit of rice, especially since he wasn't fond of the red bean paste that was inside _(anko_ if his memories were correct), the texture being too floury and not crushed enough for his taste. Pieces of skin sometimes got stuck between his teeth, leaving him with the unpleasant task of running his tongue over to remove them.

When they finished the meal, Kiyomi invited them to join the living room and offered them a glass of sake. The bespectacled scientist accepted the glass without complaining while Levi declined the offer, unwilling to inflict on his liver the poison that alcohol was. However, he didn't refuse another cup of tea which, in all fairness, was wonderful. His left knee was aching more and more so he unfolded it and stretched his leg out on the mat, massaging the painful muscles with his thumb and forefinger.

“How's your leg, Levi-san?”

“Good. I just need to walk a bit to stretch my muscles.”

“Oh please, make yourself at home!”

Without waiting any longer, the ex-corporal stood up, leaning on his right leg, and left the room, sliding the door made of wood and rice paper. He bowed slightly when he noticed the maid waiting on her knees on a cushion, in the rather dark hallway on this overcast night. She returned him the bow, resuming her embroidery as if nothing just had happened.

Levi ventured out onto one of the exterior corridors and took the opportunity to walk along the house, admiring the different aspects of the garden on his way; he even came across a small pond where many aquatic plants resided. He could recognize the characteristic lotus leaves; here these flowers were supposed to bring good luck and had a pleasant fragrance. The end of autumn, however, prevented the brunette from enjoying it so he continued his walk slowly but surely.

He took two steps back when his body passed the frame of a door that opened into a darkened room and Levi called himself a fool. He looked again at the entrance of the estate on his right and could see the two trees with red leaves. He saw himself leaning against one of them in one of his most recent memories. This time, there was less than half a dozen yards between him and Mikasa: he was petrified.

His heart was pounding, the atrophied muscles that were just above his knee were too tight and he was in pain. He didn't hear any noise however, like the last time. Only the wind was gusting, bringing with it dozens of dead leaves which wandered from one corner to another, scraping the ground with a sharp noise.

Why was he so afraid to see her again? Why was his heart rate speeding up without even making a single effort?

But why hadn't she changed her position since the last time?

_Inhale. Exhale._

_Move soldier._

He lifted his right foot and took a first step towards the room enveloped in shadows, then a second one, narrowing his eyes the better to discern the slightest movement inside. His whole body crossed the line that separated him from his hideout and he stopped moving for a moment before continuing his walk to move towards the futon on the floor. _Breathe._

He began to squat as his right leg made one last movement and he was finally able to put both knees on the ground, pain tugging at the left one. For the moment he did not care.

She was finally there, right next to him, lying down but her eyes still open. Dark circles lined them and accentuated the dark gray of her pupils, making her appearance even more ghostly than her lack of posturing. Her hair was spread out on her pillow: it was longer and hadn't been cut since the end of the war, creating strands of different lengths in places. Her skin was horribly fair and her bones were much more visible than before, her cheeks were sunken, her lips parched and her nose had become even more thinner than it already was. _This fucking bitch, she lied to us._

Levi was horrified at the sight, it couldn't be her. Mikasa couldn't seem so weak when she was the only one who could match his legendary strength. Now, she was nothing more than a bag of bones with some skin and scars. She no longer had that burst of life in her eyes. She was no longer spiritually present.

“Good evening…”

Levi said these only two words with a tight throat. He obviously had no answer.

Slowly he lifted the unresisting dark-haired woman’s head and rested it on his legs, never taking his eyes off the other pair of faded eyes he wished he could see shining.

He raised his hand and brushed the thin skin of her cheek with his fingertips, captivated by the sensation of feeling something as everything he saw seemed passable through.

The brunette frowned without even realizing it and put a little more force into his caress, wanting to feel the warmth of the blood flowing through this surreal creature's veins, wanting to feel an ounce of life.

Mikasa didn't move, only blinking her eyes with infinite slowness, inflating her lungs with a tiny amount of air, barely lifting her chest. Her lips were scarred, creating bloody wounds on the pale pink flesh, and Levi didn't hold back the thought that crossed his mind when he imagined how those lips could feel when they were dry and still. Could they be as pleasant as full, smiling lips?

He slowly returned his gaze to hers, glassy, devoid of all emotion, simply letting indifference cross the dull gray colored irises. Levi was speechless. He didn't know how to get her to come back, to see her move an arm, a leg, a corner of her lips or even raise one of her eyebrows.

Becoming aware once again of the space around him, he turned his attention to the waterfall in front of which Mikasa spent her days and nights.

_Nothing is ever the same again..._

After that infamous night, Levi continued to visit the brunette, simply settling down next to her, sometimes running a hand through her hair so that she wouldn't feel alone. He allowed himself to take a few tea leaves with him and ask for a teapot of boiling water from Kiyomi, as well as two cups without handles, the ones he liked the most, especially after losing his index and middle fingers. But the second cup always remained full.

He didn't necessarily speak to her, finding it unnecessary most of the time. He knew she wasn't listening to him. She was elsewhere. But that didn't stop him from saying ‘hello’ or ‘good evening’ to her when the moon was shining, already high in the dark sky. He couldn't hold back the few growls when his knee tugged at him from sitting still and he had to walk to ease the pain. And when it got too cold, Levi didn't hesitate to close the sliding doors to preserve the little warmth the room offered, yet he always left an opening so Mikasa could watch the water plummeting in abundance.

There was something with the flow. Everything suggested that Mikasa had left answers as to the origin of her silence in it, but Levi refused to be fooled by appearances. He knew that the young woman's problem resulted from this war; from Annie’s request, from Jean’s one and Connie’s.

Who would be foolish enough to ask a sister to kill her own brother?

Levi had simply offered them a way to get Armin back and reach Eren. He had never said aloud that he wanted to kill him. He couldn't bring himself to hurt _her,_ even under the worst of circumstances. Mikasa was too much like him for him to let her face the truth. He knew that the pain would have consumed her little by little, even if it meant killing her if no one came to her’s aid.

But he didn't want to be her savior.

He wanted her to save herself from her own demons.

  
  


He had been staying with her for two months now. Two months where he settled down beside her while she was still curled up in a ball, under her blanket, in her room facing the now snowy and half-frozen waterfall. If he had known a little earlier that her case was hopeless, would he have tried all these silly and insignificant little things? Who was he really to judge the state of a person destroyed by others when he himself was?

At the beginning of these one-to-one meetings, he had indeed been the quietest possible, but only two weeks later, the courage to speak to her had finally taken hold. Levi had finally decided to make her hear his voice a little more, but there was no pleasure in doing so. He did not know what subject to broach, so he had chosen to do as with the _other people:_ he had recounted these few months spent on what was left of the island with Hange, the mountain of rock they had discovered in North of Paradise, just before seeing the wild nature, the one with waves breaking on the rocks with an infinite force. He had slipped a hint right after, saying that she too would have liked to witness this spectacle that they could only be seen as humans, weak and unable to act on the power the wind could create. Mikasa hadn't even let go of the point she was staring at for another as he spoke, she was just blinking slowly, as usual. He had foolishly imagined that she would react to certain words.

So he stopped seeing her.

He was the only one who had stayed so long with her, keeping her company as a child would with his dying mother, as he had been able to cope up with the underlying memories of his past. But Mikasa wasn't his mother, and she wasn't dying either. However, he had no more valid reasons to come, he was short on monologues, memories and ideas. Nothing could help her get out of her lethargy. He was fed up. Fed up with being the one to endure this constant torture.

During his last visit, the snow had slowed his advance. He hadn't bothered to close all the sliding doors, nor had he taken off his coat and scarf. He hadn't forced himself to stay next to her as his whole being pleaded to get away from this ghost, from what she had become. He was in so much pain. He didn't know why his heart pressed him so hard the moment he saw her; this thinner, weak, lethargic and almost dead woman. _Dead._

The contrast between his mother's body and Mikasa's was now minimal; only the ex-soldier's barely lifting rib cage differentiated them.

Again and again he saw his mother's arm slip off the bed and hang in the air. He had looked down at her fingers, they were so thin he had repeated endlessly in his mind that they were just bones. And when he looked at Mikasa's ones, he had the same thought again: goodbye to the strokes on his neck, goodbye to their passages on his old scars, goodbye to the softness he felt when she brushed them on his cheeks, late in the night.

Levi was terribly selfish.

He hadn't wanted to get that far, he hated the idea in itself because it wasn't him, he didn't identify with these people ruled by anger and fear as Eren could have been; but hadn't she forced him by ignoring all the helping hands he gave her? Leaving her wouldn't change anything for him because he had thought that he would lose nothing more since he had already lost everything. But now he knew he had a life to live, a more peaceful one where he no longer risked putting his subordinates or himself in danger at every moment.

In reality, Levi had never dared to admit it, but fear had always held his guts when he saw the soldiers in his charge rush headlong into battles, each more dangerous than the next one. His heart had been torn apart when he had found his very first squad dead, slain by the hand of Annie in her human and titanic form.

He had looked down, seeing the bloodstained Petra, the same one who brought him a cup of tea every now and then, without him even asking for anything. He didn't expect something from her because he didn't spare his subordinates in training or in the field. But that didn't stop him from thanking her quickly before blowing on the hot drink and she always left with a smile on her face.

Levi had also been shocked when Petra's father came to talk to him about marriage when his daughter had just died. There had never been any question of romantic feelings between the two of them and even today, Levi was certain of it. Petra just loved to take care of her teammates and her superiors. He had remembered this time when Hange had turned her office upside down and the redhead had dedicated herself to helping her after she was done cleaning up the dining hall. Her captain would surely have flinched if he would have seen the scientist's mess and she was right to believe it. So Levi had surprised her with a broom in hand and Mikasa by her side, holding a tray of food for her brother who had been returning from titan’s training. Petra looked tense as the marked features on her face were visible and Mikasa was unblinking as usual. The two women surely would have gotten along if the taller one hadn't spent all of her time following Eren and protecting him.

Levi looked again at the woman lying inert in the sheets. She still hadn't moved a millimeter. He huffed quickly before walking back around the room with one hand in his hair as he pulled it back. The sound of his feet on the ground grew louder and louder, his anger only skyrocketed and he felt himself losing control for the third time in his life.

“FUCK IT! React Mikasa! Speak ! Why do you keep playing dead, eh? Aren't you tired of keeping yourself from living even after spending all these years chasing your brother to save him from his own bullshit? Okay, you were forced to kill him! So what? Would you rather have let him continue his fucking slaughter instead? Or to support a foolish wish to massacre countless of innocent people just because all he wanted was his fucking freedom? And in the end, no one got it! He got killed against his will and tell me where his freedom lies in there eh! Where is it?

We all depend on each other, nobody is free strictly speaking… I also depend on you Mikasa. Your state, it is slowly killing me. But please, think about all those lives you saved; do you really think it wasn't worth the price to sacrifice the one that matters most to you? Think of all those couples who continue to _love_ each other thanks to you, who are going to get _married,_ have _children,_ be surrounded by those they _love_ and have a _peaceful_ death… You have dreamed of this life too, don't you remember?”

At this moment, Levi thought he was dreaming.

_She had flinched._

_She was listening to him._

Without even understanding his gesture, he knelt on the ground and put his hand on the cheek of the one who turned upside down his daily life, caressing the scar she had since the first day his blue eyes lent on her. He slowly slid his fingers through the black strands and brought his face closer to Mikasa, this time with his eyes wide open.

“Please. Only one word.”

But she didn't give in. So Levi slowly leaned in and placed a tender kiss on her temple, letting his fingers navigate the skin of her smooth forehead one last time to the hairline of her dark hair.

“You are not the only victim of what you inflict on yourself Mikasa. You are making the last people who care about you suffer… and you’re making me suffer too.”

He got up and went out.

He wouldn't come back.

  
  


Later that week, Hange joined Levi who was waiting for her at the entrance of the town. The weeds that were stuck to the edge of the long stone wall were still dancing as the wind blew profusely. The ex-corporal couldn't feel more peaceful watching them move with the gusts of wind. When Hange deigned to get out of the car that had driven her here, Levi stood up and made sure to pick up the second piece of luggage she had taken with her, recognizing the trunk he had bought for himself as he had barely landed from the boat at the international port of Hizuru.

“These are the last things I found in your room. It was about time you got them back, I think we'll be welcoming a new scientist shortly.”

“Thank you four eyes.”

They resumed their journey to the inn where Levi was staying. Hange went to see the owner of the place to ask for the key to the other room. It was across her one-eyed friend’s bedroom, but still far enough away to have some privacy. The old lady was on her own to manage these few rooms but she was doing unexpectedly well. During one evening, Levi had overheard one of her conversations with another elderly woman who often brought meat on stick with her, she was undoubtedly the wife of the cook who sold them on the main street. He had therefore learned that his landlady had a son, at least had had one since the latter no longer deigned to visit her and give her news. She regretted every day not being able to see him any more, the brunette could feel it. Levi had promised to rearrange her son’s face if he dared point the tip of his nose after abandoning his mother like a coward.

“We can go, I have everything shorty.”

“You never shut your big mouth when it comes to my size, eh shitty glasses?”

“Hey, it's not my fault, I can't resist that! And frankly, you will have to recognize that you are short-legged one day or another.”

“Go fuck yourself, cordially.”

Levi left the former commander alone in the small garden path that led to the bedrooms and he joined his, where he put the trunk just next to the front door. He bent to open it in half, observing the few possessions that Hange had taken care to wrap in sheets of newspaper. There were two or three cups, half a dozen books, clothes and a wooden box sealed with a four-digit code.

The box was made of oak, adorned with pretty hand-painted gilded frescoes in the four corners of the lid. It was quite small contrary to what the outside suggested, the layer of wood was very thick and therefore left little room to put something inside.

Levi stroked the lines of the wood, before running his thumb over the number wheels. His eyes couldn't tear themselves away from the object in his hands until Hange stormed back into his room.

“What the fuck, be careful Hange! I don't want to pay a fortune in repairs because you put a hole in the wall!”

“Yeah, it's not like you're loaded now ... Historia gave us a nice gift by making this pact with Kiyomi.”

Levi sighed before setting the box down on a small coffee table which was near him.

“What is that?”

“Expensive as fuck tea, I'm waiting for the right occasion to drink it.”

“Ah… you know that can be boring when you want to! Do you never have any secrets or sweet things to share with me? I don't want to be too much of a hassle, but I'm bored Levi. I need to laugh like the good old days because otherwise I won't be able to hold on.”

“I don't even know why I made you laugh before Hange.”

“Your scatophile jokes for example? Where have they gone? We shouldn't let ourselves get down anymore Levi, not after all we've been through. I don't want you to stay in your cocoon like Mikasa does. It will kill you Levi…”

The dark-haired man quickly pondered what the madwoman with the glasses had just confessed to him. She might have been nuts, but she always knew how to give sound advice. He huffed before lifting his head and resting his eyes on the brunette's greasy hair.

“Go take a fucking bath and join me after. I haven't decided yet when I'm going to languish on my own but I think I'll give myself some time beforehand.”

Hange walked over to her bedroom and grabbed some clean stuff before heading to her bedroom tub. She hadn't taken a bath for a little while now since she was quickly passing under the showers of the science center where she was staying at; so she took the moment to rub her body vigorously, pulling the washcloth snugly between her toes and untangling her hair while it was still wet. Her hair that had grown well since taking service as Commander of the Scout Regiment. Should she cut it a little?

Levi had finished tidying up all of his things and he was starting to worry as Hange happened to be taking way too long to take her bath.

To say that she was doing everything to get out of it as quickly as possible...

After waiting ten more minutes, he left his room and knocked on the scientist's door. She shouted something and came running, with a big smile on her face. The door opened and she saw Levi's eyes widen instantly.

“So, what do I look like?”

“You look like a fucking nuts Hange! You cut them haphazardly!”

“What? But I spent over half an hour on it!”

“Tch. Pass me the fucking scissors.”

The ex-commander did not need to be asked twice and bowed ironically to his orders, giving him the pair as a valet would give any object to his master, before she took place on the edge of the _engawa,_ the little wooden hallway along the bedroom. Levi crouched down after rolling his eyes and started cutting her hair full of uneven lengths with his left hand, surprisingly skillful enough when he still struggled to master his handwriting.

Once the bob cut was finished, he quickly exchanged the pair of scissors for a broom and moved the rest of the wet wicks to throw them in the garden. Satisfied with his job, he smirked and started walking up the aisle.

“It changes you four eyes.”

“AH HA! I knew you were going to say that shorty! So now where are we going?”

They walked for some time until they reached the brighter streets of the village. It would soon be dark, people were going out in groups to enjoy the evening. Levi and Hange went through a _noren,_ which was a small curtain hung at the entrance of the restaurant that adjoined the sea. The smell of beer was spread all over the room and the two friends were led to the bar where two seats had just been freed.

“Are you a fan of raw fish now?”

“Why not? I have to get used to eating something other than vegetables and potatoes. Come to think of it, Blouse could have fed on this for days before making us suffocate with her fucking gas.”

“Damn Levi, don't remind me about these horrors again… The smell of them was spread all over the room, it even forced the others to run off if they didn't want to end up scentless. A real storm which blew away everything in its path.”

“The good old days, eh…”

The fish plates arrived shortly after they ordered them and they began to eat in silence. Hange still struggled to use the wooden chopsticks whereas Levi showed no difficulty handling them, even laughing at the scientist's face when she asked for another utensil from the waitress who disdainfully brought her a fork. Otherwise, they talked about everything and nothing, life plans that awaited them and the past, at one point the _itamae_ (the chef who had served them) joined in their conversation and made a list of things to visit in the village for them or even good addresses to eat regional specialties.

The moon was covered when they left the restaurant. Hange had become restless after drinking three glasses of liquor and she kept bouncing beside Levi who seemed more exasperated by his behavior than embarrassed by the few passers-by who allowed themselves to stare at them curiously. They continued their night excursion until they found a bench on the side of a hill. There was no light illuminating the path so Hange tripped over the rocks twice and huffed in relief as she rested her bottom on the stone bench.

“So how's Mikasa doing? I didn't really have the opportunity to pay her a little visit in the end…”

“It's always a _nightmare_ to go see her.”

Levi lowered his head as he was feeling tears coming to his eyes. He didn't like being weak. He didn't like the feeling that constantly crushed his chest.

“Hey what’s happening?”

Hange leaned over to stare at him and she could see the few drops of water sliding down his cheeks before they were washed away by the brunet's shaking hands. Her eyebrows were raised in amazement and she opened her mouth without being able to say anything.

“I… I can't take it anymore Hange. It's all my fucking fault! I forced her to fight when she didn't want to. I always used her to save everyone, she didn't deserve this... She was just a brat and I destroyed her because I used her as a weapon. I am the one who ruined her whole life and you can't even imagine how badly I blame myself!”

Levi burst into tears, his body seized with spasms and his thoughts consumed by remorse. Life was so hard with them, with _her_ and with _him._ Hadn't he suffered enough during his childhood to him in his thirties?

“And the worst part is, you can't imagine how much I love her. All the nights we spent together just talking or looking at each other like idiots with heart-shaped eyes. I fucking thought no woman would want me and my shitty character but she accepted me. She hasted to give me everything she had even though she was still obsessed with this Yeager boy. And once again she is in pain because of him even though he's already six feet under, dammit!. He should have stopped pissing her off, but he's still haunting her! She's become a fucking vegetable! The woman I love has turned into a fucking vegetable because of that asshole…”

Hange was stunned by the man's revelations. _Levi in love? And with Mikasa?_ For all these years she had thought he didn't like human touch, comfort and sex. She always saw him with his fucking cleaning products, never with a smile on his face. How could she have missed their relationship? Levi was his best friend! She would spy on him for fun, she would harass him with her research on titans to put him off ... She had always been there, hidden in the shadows or exposed to the light.

“How did it happen between you two? I have to admit that I’m blown away now.”

Levi took a deep breath before raising his head and focusing his attention on the sea in the distance.

“Shortly after the Scout was disbanded and Erwin was sent to prison. You surely remember that my squad and I had ran away and at that time, I needed to take her with me on my horse because she had a few fractured ribs after rescuing Eren. All the trips had been made like this and I realized that she no longer had any hatred for me. We talked more and more together and we drank tea at nightfall.

When Kenny told me that I also was an Ackerman, I distanced myself from her. I was afraid she would be the first to reject me and in the end she was the one who pinned me against the wall and kissed me as if our lives were in danger. The rest of our relationship had always happened at night. We didn’t want anyone to know of it. As for me because I didn't want Eren to insult her in case she would have announced it to him herself, as for her because she didn't want to be seen as the ‘corporal's girlfriend’ and be treated differently.

Everything was perfect, then Eren got weird, he cleared off after telling her horrible things, she forgave him, he insulted her even more, that fucking monkey bitch came to piss us off, I got disfigured on top of losing two of my fingers and you know the rest.”

Hange was in shock. What could she say after such a confession? _"Oh that's cool, too bad she doesn't speak anymore!"_ No, definitely not.

She put her hand on his shoulder at her own risk and surprisingly Levi let her do it, surely too shaken to be mad at her.

“I didn't really want to broach this subject but since we are there… I miss Erwin and Moblit terribly you know? Levi, you can still have a little hope because there is a possibility that she will come out of her trance, as for me I know I can't have hope anymore. So please don't give up. I know you want to leave everything and be alone in your corner. You can say I'm crazy or whatever, but I'll always be able to read a little part of you. Because we went through the same hell, because we lost those who were close to our hearts. Don't give up on shorty. This is the only thing I seriously ask you to respect.”

Levi fixed his blue eye on his best friend and gave her a smile for the first time in a decade.

“Thank you Hange…”

Big snowflakes appeared and the two ran away.

Even though Levi's knee made him wince oddly, he could feel a weight coming off his shoulders. He had finally been honest with someone and it had felt so good to talk about his problems. He was much more serene than usual, calmer.

But that didn't take away the guilt he felt about Mikasa. On the contrary, he still felt as much at fault for her condition. Levi had been the only one who had trained her many times to teach her how to wield swords the same way he did, to move so quickly, to slice so efficiently. He had formatted her so she could turn into a killing machine as well. And she had become one, that’s for sure, but she was still alive. And the brunette had always wanted her to get out of perilous situations no matter what. Levi felt so responsible for her fate that he became obsessed with it.

_‘What if Mikasa hadn't been strong enough, would she be dead?’_

_‘And if I hadn't been hurt, then I would have been the one in a position to kill Yeager. Would she have finished me off for doing it?’_

Mikasa surely wouldn't have spoken to him again. She would still have gone with Madam Azumabito, even if she hadn't been her own brother's skinner; meanwhile, he would have found himself alone, with even more blood on his hands. Losing the only love of his life in addition to all the people who had already left him would have finished him and he would surely have thrown himself from the famous cliffs that were located in the north of the island, unhappy and tired by all the ordeals imposed by this life.

But none of that had happened. He had no more blood on his hands than the tons of corpses he had left on Paradise. The woman he loved was still alive, a few hundred yards away but at the same time so far from him mentally. He was with Hange, his best friend, the one who had been there to support him at the burial of Furlan and Isabel, at the funeral of his tactical squad and at the death of Erwin.

And he had to be there for her too, so that she could finally mourn all her sorrows now that her status of commander was no longer worthwhile. As well as he had to be there for the tall brunette who had turned his heart upside down and refused to feed herself, move or talk. Levi had a whole other life waiting for him, one certainly happier than one infested with titans, death and blood.

“Hey madwoman! You know what? I'm finally going to slam that _ton of dough_ waiting for me at the bank and I'm going to buy myself a fucking house! You will be welcome to become my neighbor!”

Levi was running and running in the snow, Hange was a few feet behind him, breathless from the cold arid air but a big smile crossed her lips.

“Ahah! Nonsense shorty! It’s really nonsense!”

“I'm not kidding you old woman! I might have a ruined knee but in the meantime I can still be faster than you in this shitty weather! The first to arrive at the hostel will pay the next restaurant to the other!”

“You bastard ! You're fucking cheating! I don't do as much sport as you do!”

“It's not my problem!”

The two adults continued to run, climb stone steps and throw snow in their face until they reached the guest rooms, Levi first and Hange seconds later. They were laughing like idiots and they suddenly noticed the many lights turned on in the main house.

“Is the old woman still up at such an hour?”

Levi and Hange exchanged a worried glance before making their way to the door of the mansion which had a view of the garden and Levi quickly knocked on the dark wooden plank. They received no response but quickly heard noise inside which alarmed them even more.

The brunette didn't wait any longer to remove the knife slipped into his shoe, to slowly slide the door open and to enter, quickly followed by the scientist who was already in a defensive position in case they were put up with an attack.

“I'm sorry Kiyomi, I don't know what else to do to help you! We'll have to wait a bit before we wake her up.”

Hange gave Levi a puzzled look who couldn't help but frown upon hearing the double-face's name. _What the hell was she doing there and who was the old woman talking about?_

“Thank you, you have already helped me so much when I arrived here in a hurry ... I had no idea what to do. I was so scared for her if you knew that. I hope she gets warm enough with these quilts, I don't want her to have hypothermia again.”

“Don't worry, she'll wake up. Her skin is already regaining some color, take a look!”

Levi stowed his knife in the inside pocket of his coat and decided to move forward a little further to get a feel of the situation. The parquet was old under his feet and he was afraid it would squeak from his weight so he moved very slowly, telling Hange to do the same so they wouldn't be spotted by the two women who were still discussing.

No sooner had he laid eyes on them than he noticed the dark-haired head poking out from several blankets. The skin of her face was bluish, her hair still wet as one of her shoulders seemed bare of all clothing. _Mikasa._

“What did you do to her?! Answer me before I lash out at one of you to have some fucking answers!”

Shocked by the sudden presence of the two Eldians, the women jumped and Kiyomi quickly replied to Levi.

“I discovered her in the pond under the waterfall. She was starting to drown and the cold has slowed her heart rate. I managed to get her out and bring her here for some help in case I couldn't save her on my own. Now you can thank me for saving her life instead of assaulting me like a dog would have fought for a bone.”

Levi was stunned by what Kiyomi had just confessed to him and again felt all the remorse lodge in his throat to squeeze it tightly. He rushed to Mikasa's side and brushed the dripping locks away from her forehead. She had so many things in common with her mother now; the sunken cheeks, the dark circles, the blue lips, the skin so thin it seemed transparent because of all the veins that were easily seen underneath. Her collarbones were protruding, the lack of nutrition had made her so fragile.

“Thank you… And sorry.”

“You must know more things about this young girl than I do, but I do not allow you to imagine that I do not care about her. Mikasa is as precious to you as she is to me. I could think of her as my daughter, but I don't want to appropriate her the way you all thought. She was truly destroyed by this battle but don't think it was all there. You are all as much at fault for her condition as Eren Yeager is. And you even more than you think.”

“I do not understand. What had happened?”

Kiyomi took one last look at Mikasa to see if she was still unconscious and she took a deep breath before speaking again, her voice heavy.

“Shortly after our arrival in the territory of Hizuru, I had driven Mikasa to my house and had given her a room so she could rest. She was still speaking with me back then; I understand now that she only called me for small things but she was still communicating normally. She often cried late at night, I often heard her go out to the garden and she came back a little calmer, her nerves relieved. And then one day unlike any other, one of her wounds reopened. There was blood everywhere and she complained of a pain in her lower abdomen even though it was an injury on her rib…”

“I came to help Kiyomi after receiving her emergency call. I had managed to close Mikasa's wound and covered it with a healing balm made from cloves which helps to numb the area a bit. However, she was still saying that something was hurting her again and again. I thought she was having an internal bleeding but she had no sweat, no fever, there was no sign to prove this theory. She had been given painkillers but it still persisted and it was only after a few hours that we could figure out what had happened.”

Kiyomi closed her eyes and clenched her fists as the brunette stared at her with wide eyes, hands shaking, dreading the worst.

“Mikasa had a miscarriage.”

Levi felt the bile rise up his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading the second part of this three-shot! I'll try to update the last part quickly but it might take a long time before you can read it and I'm sorry for that inconvenience )X
> 
> Also, I want to thank @loneackerman so much for helping me with some parts of the traduction since English is not my first language! Thank you again honey bear! I send you a lot of hugs and kisses from here<3
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter and see you soon for the next one^^


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